Town Planner Work

I've just completed some freelance work for the government, coming up with new names and ideas for the new towns they'd build if they get re-elected. Here are some of my favourites:

Hackney Spit: A village, but in the centre of London. I propose knocking down half of Hackney and creating a green belt. The word 'Spit' could plausibly refer to the small artificial stream that will run through it.

Tompleston: Lancashire mining town. Only one colliery left out of the original nine. High unemployment and increasing problem with heroin. Could get someone like Paul Mccartney to run a brass band to boost morale.

Edinburgh II (Gloucestershire): A little piece of Scotland in England. Perhaps it could be just straightforwardly swapped with Gloucester as a sort of cultural exchange, although the Scots will probably be quite keen to hang on to Edinburgh and try to fob us off with somewhere shitter like Arbroath.

Gunny Hole: One of those quaint/weird little hamlets in Cornwall or somewhere. On an average summer's day, it would have more tourists than residents, on account of an old stone in a forest clearing that has something to do with a witch or wizard or something. Maybe Merlin went to school there.

Blae: A new spa-town. Highest property prices outside of London. Famous residents could include Anthony Worral Thompson and Emma Thompson (not related, I don't think).

Glaweynnig: Welsh town, population 23,000. Famous for its cheese which is like a crumblier version of cheddar.

Centre-Site: A completely new urban metropolis. Built from scratch, bang in the centre of the UK, in the middle of the Lancashire countryside. It becomes popular for graduates and immigrants because of the cheapness of property and therefore soon boasts the most effective workforce in the Europe. It becomes the world leader in Photoshopping and IPhone App development, and is soon given status as the 'Capital of the UK', restoring Britain the glory it enjoyed during the Empire days, and leaving London a crumbling, festering wasteland.